Years go by

Years go by in the blink of an eye. I sit here reflecting on some of the events in my life and wonder what the hell was I thinking back then? Yes, I adopted a dog in winter, then put another beloved dog "to asleep" less than 2 years later. Adopted another dog, a funny, loving, attention-grabbing little girl to comfort the surviving dog, and family.... And then my brother, my poor sweet brother, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2012, and dead 10 months to the day after that horrible discovery. My brother, my protector, my friend. There is no fairness in his death. No justice. I realized that there is no God. We were fed a load of crap and nonsense. We were scammed. There is no God. No all powerful, all knowing no almighty God. We pray to "him" for comfort and favors and blessings, and oh please dear god save my brother who is so devoted to you and is so worthy, not for me but for him, and his wife and children, and the grandchildren he NEVER got to meet. You fucking bastard. You fraud. You piece of shit. You are nothing. I shake my fist to ... What? Nothing. There is no God.

don't adopt a pup in the winter!

Ok - i started writing this post last year in February. I had just adopted our new little guy, Finnian.

That's him on the right, not long after we brought him home from Massachusetts. He was quite a handful, and Callie (on the left) was NOT pleased that he stayed over. and over. and over.

What a learning experience that was, but Finn is so much a part of the family now. I really love that little skamp! And Callie finally does too...

I finally did finish that dingblasted sweater, but as is usual for me, I won't wear it. The armholes are a disaster, and the sleeves just didn't go in right, after no less than 10 frogs. So I stitched it all up again, blocked it, sewed on the buttons, and put it in my mom's cedar hope chest. Maybe I'll redo the arm scythes one of these days, which will involve more frogging. "Rip-it" is going to be my mantra... It's really a very nice fabric - firm yet soft enough that it feels like a cozy fitted blanket. If I'm going to fix it it will have to be within the next few weeks in order to get some wear time in for the fall. Hoping I can get some help from the Ravelry or Knit Picks community on how to fix it.

Have several other WIPs going: a Tanta shawl (from Knitpicks) for me and a hand warmer muff for my brother, who is undergoing chemo (my own design). His hands get very cold and I thought a soft thick black muff (manly looking, of course) might help in the months to come on days he's not quite up to snuff. Both projects are in black yarns.

Also working on the Shift Tote (also Knitpicks) which is my first foray into intarsia. All those balls of yarn!!

I'm itching to start something new: got a few patterns in the hopper, and I'm looking for the right yarn. I've got tons of wools in my stash, but of course those are never quite right, are they?

Maybe this one

I have a dozen (at least) WIPs going on, but I rarely let myself think about that. Maybe this project I'll finish while the weather is still cold in the '09-'10 winter season.  I'm working on the Metropole knitted coat pattern from Mason-Dixon's Knitting Outside the Lines pattern book, and maybe, just maybe, by going public with it, I'll actually be incented to work on it regularly and often enough to finish it within a few months.  I'm a slow knitter, and it doesn't help that I have two other active projects going on. One is a log-cabin blanket for my neice's baby girl, and the other is a sweater I designed that I've been working on for no less than three years. I love the yarn I picked - Cadena from Knit Picks. It's soft, drapes beautifully, and feels really nice against the skin.  This is my first major project using wool - yep, in 40 on and off years of knitting, I've only used wool or a wool-blend maybe 4 times.  Always thought wool was too itchy, and I do break out in rashes with some types of wool, which is why I've kept away from making anything with it. Plus, as a preteen way back when I first learned to knit, acrylic yarns were all I could afford from the local Woolworth on my $2 per week salary earned from walking younger kids to school. Then in high school, I taught myself to crochet, and made scads of groovy vests from the selections out of the discounted yarn bins.  No wool there! I swear some of the yarns I bought were so synthetic they squeaked when squeezed.
So here I am, in my mid 50's and I finally transitioned to wool; all those years wasted! To any of you knitters/crocheters out there who haven't tried the real deal, go to http://www.knitpicks.com/ and look at the beautiful, affordable selection of yarns they sell. You will be impressed, trust me.
So if anyone comes across this post, give me a nudge. Help get me to finish this coat!

Bear Check-In

North Eastern Poconos:

The Big Bear! He loves to walk across the lawn, back into the woods behind the house. He also loves to leave "gifts" on the lawn... of the fertilizer variety. There's also a Mama, 3 adolescents, and a cub. They walk around - back by the pool, on the hillside, behind the house - like they own the place, which is fine, except that I hope they don't decide to stop in for breakfast some morning. Love the bears! They're so beautiful to watch.

Life goes on, but not for some

Have you ever wondered why some people just can't let go? I'm referring to letting go of past relationships, people, things; in other words, moving on with life. I have a few theories, but some recent events caused me to start thinking again about why it is so important for some people to live in the past, and in fact to try to rewrite history to suit their neuroses.



One theory: Validation. Let's say a person is miserable in his current circumstances. Let's say the only thing that brings him pleasure is to try to denigrate and tear down other people, possibly because it makes him feel bigger than he is. It gives him a smug sense of superiority. He colors his surroundings with ugliness so that he appears pure and just.

Another theory: Envy. This person can't tolerate anyone having more than he has. He can't stand the idea that someone, let's say a former peer, friend, sibling - can move up and away from him, and do all the things he 's too afraid to do, like buying a new car, or a new refrigerator, or even a new cell phone. He's so afraid of change, that he cannot tolerate anyone who was once in his sphere of influence going ahead and living life. It infuriates him, especially when the person no longer has need of him.

Theory #3: Narcissism. The person cannot fathom a world that doesn't revolve around him, so he looks for ways to draw others into his rings of hell.

Theory #4: Justification of past deeds. He needs to find a reason to hate others, in particular those who might have been in his circle at some point, because he consistently fails in his relationships. It can't be his fault - it has to be everyone else's fault.

I'd like to feel sorry for such people, but they make it so hard. I guess I'll just have to continue to live my life exactly the way I want, and enjoy my relationships with friends and family, and thrive in the knowledge that I can move on, and leave the past behind.

Time doesn't fly, it JETS!

I cannot believe how long it's been since my last post. Been busy, for sure. Been doing lots of things - bought a house (with a friend) in Pennsylvania, remodeled my kitchen, the usual nonsense. My job has been hectic, but rewarding in it's own way. Had to take some time off to recover from minor surgeries...
If you're a woman having bladder control issues, think about the TVT procedure. Not pleasant for the first week, but I'm a reasonable happy camper now that I can last a good 4-5 hours without having to run to the potty, and not peeing my pants at least once a week. The worst pain was the 2-3 days post surgery. If you're a very flexible person, no problem, but if you're not accustomed to wrapping your ankles behind your neck, you might have a bit of a problem. At least that's what it felt like had happened... Couldn't walk normally for about 4 days following the procedure.